


Rip Out Demon Hearts (Heal Human Ones)

by fairytaleslayer



Series: Beau-Centric One Shots [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post Episode 55, Therapy Animal Frumpkin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: Beau is conflicted over Dairon's instructions after the battle down the well. Best friends and Team Human have to stick together.





	Rip Out Demon Hearts (Heal Human Ones)

_“Protect these friends you’ve made. But don’t get too close.”_

_“I….haven’t.”_

Dairon’s warning sounded clearly in her mind as Beau took in the aftermath of the Mighty Nein’s near fatal brawl against the incubus, succubus, and whatever fucking demon _that_ hellbeast was. Below a _well_ of all things.

_“Listen. Be patient.”_

Beau shook her head, trying to get her mentor’s voice out of her brain.

“ _Stay._ _Alive_.”

Beau scoffed. Apparently that directive from Dairon was going to be the hardest to follow. Although the patience thing could have gone better as well. If she’d just _looked_ harder, maybe she could have seen that Caleb had been charmed _before_ he threw a fireball at them.

He’d gone down so many times in that fight. Beau had lost count. It seemed like everyone had spent half the time just trying to bring Caleb back to consciousness. And then Yasha had been charmed. How did she _miss_ that? Beau punched the cavern wall, castigating herself for her lack of observation. She’d run right by Yasha _twice_ , and she didn’t see.

_“Don’t disappoint me.”_

That one hurt the most. She couldn’t give her all to the Mighty Nein without disappointing Dairon. She’d warned her against relying on them too much, against trusting them. But all she wanted was the company and – maybe even family they might one day offer her. She didn’t always trust them: they were some shady mother fuckers sometimes. But she’d come to love them in the last few months. Exactly what Dairon had told her not to do.

Beau punched the wall again, growling in frustration and hoping the rest of the group didn’t hear her in the bubble. She’d told them she was going to take a stroll around the cave, look for any more shady shit before bunking down for the night. Jester had seemed like she wanted to say something, maybe follow her, but Beau had ditched before anyone tried to stop her. She kicked a stalagmite for good measure, snarling when it hurt more than it satisfied her anger.

Dairon was her mentor – and the first person who seemed to give a fuck about how Beau turned out. Who thought she had potential beyond being a massive screw up. But then there was Jester, telling her that she was strong, and good at punching and calling Beau her best friend. Caduceus, and his promise that they would both look out for the rest when needed. And Caleb – Team Human – always helping her fight better and trusting her with his darkest secrets and trusting her to be his eyes. Fjord letting her take on responsibilities. Yasha and their synchronicity in battle. Nott even sometimes thought she was okay to be around.

How could she have thought about running away? Leave the group behind just because Dairon told her to stay alive? It had been an errant thought – barely lasted half a second – but Beau had seriously considered for a moment that she could run. Abandon the Nein to their fate. Beau knew she could be a little self absorbed at times, but she also liked to think she had a fairly realistic opinion about herself and her abilities. If she had run away, the rest of the group would probably be dead. _Maybe_ Jester would have been able to dimension door herself out as a last resort. If she had any spells left. But with Caleb falling every other second, Nott trying to protect him, Fjord going down, Yasha charmed, and Caduceus dead? That demon would have torn the rest of them apart.

It was a heavy thought. Beau slumped to the ground, her back against the wall as she dug the heel of her palms into her eyes, trying to fend off tears. Whether they were from exhaustion, adrenaline, or guilt, she couldn’t say. When circumstances had been at their worst, and she had been desperately punching Yasha in the face trying to get her to wake up, Beau had hardly noticed the tears on her cheeks. She didn’t know when they’d started, but she did know that it was the first time she’d cried since the night she’d arrived at the Cobalt Reserve and been locked in what was to become her new bedroom to ensure she didn’t run away. Under cover of darkness there, she had shed some tears before vowing to never do so again.

And she hadn’t. Until today.

“Beau?”

Jester’s soft, wavering voice sounded from a few feet away. Beau jumped and cursed, hating being taken by surprise again. “Uh, hey, Jes,” she said, forcing a laugh that didn’t sound at all real. “Didn’t see you there. Everything alright?” Anxiety washed over her again at the thought that maybe there was a rift they had missed earlier and there was something new to fight. They were too wounded and tired. She was spent. Jester and Caduceus didn’t have any spells left. Neither did Fjord. Nott had accidentally killed Caduceus. Caduceus had _died_ –

“Beau.” A strong blue hand was shaking her shoulder gently. “Beau are you okay?”

Breathing wasn’t usually that difficult. “I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I’m so sorry, Jester.”

There was a pause before arms wrapped around her. “What are you sorry for Beau?” Jester’s voice was curious rather than accusing. “You were amazing. You gave that demon what for, and you like, ripped his whole heart out of his chest! That’s so fucking badass! I wish I was that cool.”

Guilt gnawed at Beau even more. “I – I almost left.”

Jester’s head tilted but she didn’t let go of Beau. “What?”

Beau bit her lip, staring at the ground and unable to meet Jester’s gaze. “Dairon, she told me to stay alive. And now I don’t know what to do because she told me not to get too close to you guys because it’s a sign of weakness and to stay alive and everything was going so badly in that fight I thought for a second about running away. But I couldn’t live with myself if I abandoned you and I don’t know what to do anymore. Dairon’s the only person who gives a _fuck_ about me and she won’t want me around if I can’t follow her most basic instructions but I don’t want to leave you guys either or see you get hurt and I don’t know what to _do_!” She rambled until she ran out of words, still breathing hard.

“Well,” Jester said with a big heave of a breath. She hadn’t released Beau yet either, even though Beau had been _sure_ that her confession would have made Jester at the very least hit her with her hand axe. “I don’t have a _mentor_ , but I do have the Traveler. And he’s like – _really_ cool and all, but he’s not always so great at the advice thing.” She settled closer to Beau, hugging her arm. “I think you have to listen to yourself and what _you_ think is right, you know? Dairon looks super badass, and she is probably really smart too, but she doesn’t know _everything_. Nobody does.”

“I know,” Beau groaned, thunking her head against the stone wall. “But if I don’t do what she says then what am I doing here, really? She’ll dump me like everyone else and I’ll be back to just the fuck up whose parents sold her to the monks. She gave me a purpose.”

“Your purpose doesn’t have to be the same as Dairon’s. They can align, you know, but they don’t have to be _exactly_ the same,” Jester pointed out. “I think, technically, we do pretty good most of the time too. We made it here to Xhorhas just like she is. We beat the demons and closed the rift. That’s _p r e t t y_ cool. And! Sprinkle is still alive see?” She held up the slightly singed, very disgruntled weasel, who chirped and tried to disappear back into Jester’s hood. “He’s a little angry about the whole fireball thing, but he’ll get over it. But back to the point. I think you just have to remember what _you_ want Beau. You’re really smart too.” She squeezed Beau’s arm again. “And I hope you don’t leave because you’re really cool and my best friend and _probably_ if you left Caleb would get killed like _tomorrow_ he’s so squishy.”

Beau managed a small laugh. Real, that time. “You’re probably right Jes.” Jester plunked Sprinkle back in her hood and gathered her skirts to get up. “Hey.” Beau reached out to grab Jester’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Jester asked, and it hurt that she looked at Beau like she had never done anything wrong to her ever.

“I should have stopped Caleb from casting that wall of fire on you. I had time.”

“You thought someone had hurt _him_ with fire,” Jester pointed out. “That is not your fault. None of us knew he was charmed at first. You do not have to fix everything Beau. You protected all of us.” She leaned down to press a tiny kiss on her hairline. “Thank you,” she murmured before heading back to their bubble. “Come back when you’re ready.”

Beau watched her leave, arguably more offset than she had been before Jester talked to her. The unconditional acceptance was new. And yeah – the rest of the Nein was suspect a lot of the time, but Jester had no guile to her. At least not where Beau was concerned. She could always tell when Jester was lying. She didn’t say those things just to make Beau feel better, but also because she truly believed them.

That more than anything got Beau to her feet and staggering back to the bubble. Everyone was piled in a huddle, as often happened when seven people had to share ten feet of space. Nott was curled up on Caleb’s stomach, snoring and one hand on Caduceus, as if worried he might disappear. Caduceus, Fjord, and Yasha were weirdly sorted in the middle – none of them quite touching but close enough to feel body heat. Yasha had her sword in hand and she wasn’t asleep, apparently keeping some kind of watch. She relaxed when Beau entered the bubble and gave her an understanding look and a nod before she too closed her eyes.

Jester was curled up with Nugget between her and Fjord toward the outside of the circle, a space clearly meant for Beau left beside her. Something panged heavily inside her chest at the sight. She stretched out on her bed roll, finally ready for some sleep, but leaned up to kiss Jester’s temple, right below one of her horns. “Love you Jes.”

A hand reached out and grabbed hers, tugging Beau closer. “Love you too,” Jester mumbled sleepily.

Not ten seconds after she’d restlessly settled back onto her bed, there was a ‘poof’, and then a tiny owl Frumpkin was perched on her stomach. It spoke volumes of how used to magic Beau had grown that she didn’t leap ten feet into the air at the sight of an animal appearing out of nowhere when she didn’t expect it. The owl gave a tiny trill and hopped to nestle in Beau’s neck. Beau bit her lip and carefully brought a hand up to stroke the miniature bird.

Caleb’s quiet voice came via his message wire. “Erm, I noticed – we noticed – that you were feeling a bit, eh... Out of sorts, Beauregard. So I made Frumpkin an elf owl again. You can have him for – a few days – or until you are feeling better, ja? Erm. You can reply – if you would like…” he trailed off uncertainly.

Beau took a deep breath, using one finger to scratch owl Frumpkin under his chin. “Thanks Caleb, “ she whispered back. “I’ll look after him.”

She would look after all of them. Having this group of misfits care about her and she for them couldn’t be a weakness. Beau wouldn’t let it be.


End file.
